Trouble with dating sites

When we meet somebody in person, we have hundreds of thousands of verbal and non-verbal clues to give us an intuitive grasp of who we’re talking to and whether or not we’re into them long before we go up and introduce ourselves.Everything from how they stand to how they talk, who they talk to, how they act around their friends, how they smell, even the pitch and timbre of their voice indicate whether or not we’re likely to have an initial attraction to them that would prompt us to make that all-important first approach.One of the advantages of online dating is that you are capable of carrying on several asynchronous conversations, fielding responses from persons X and Y while also sending out an introductory message to person Z. Focusing on one single person – even if you’re at the “meeting in person” stage – puts far too much importance on them and makes it sting worse if it doesn’t work out the way you’d hope. Everyone has heard it a thousand times before they saw your profile and they didn’t believe it any of those times either.In the great chain of credibility, being told something is the least believable.You have to treat your dating profile as an advertisement; you are, after all, selling yourself to others.This means that you have to consider your market, what you’re looking for and what makes you, specifically, attractive to others.I’m going to tell you something that you already know: dating is a frustrating process of trial and error.

And if I happen to sail past your house – which is quite the feat when you live in the middle of a land-locked city, let me tell you – then you’re If you have a sharp wit or a way with words, work that into your profile.

OKCupid, for example, is structured more heavily towards casual dating and hooking up.

Match.com, on the other hand, leans towards more conventional relationships while e Harmony is specifically marketed towards (straight) people who are looking to get married ASAP while Plenty of Fish is the dating equivalent of a long weekend in Innsmouth.

Telling somebody you’re adventurous is similarly unhelpful.

Better to talk about your recent trip to Ankor Wat or – even better – have a photo of you in front of Ta Prohm.

Search for trouble with dating sites:

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We often carry this mindset over into online dating and start to give one person – usually the first one to respond – all of our attention, ignoring everybody else until that first conversation has run it’s course.

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